We’re very excited today to be helping Katryn Bury celebrate her debut day with this post! Katryn’s book, Drew Leclair Gets a Clue, is out right now and we cannot wait to get to it. Katryn was lovely enough to write us this post, about coming out later in life, and how writing Drew Leclair helped her do it. If you’re still waiting on your copy to arrive, give this post a read in the meantime!
And if you haven’t yet got yourself a copy, you can do so right here!
I’ve known I was bisexual since the age of twelve. Everyone around me was getting crushes. Of course, this was the early 90’s, so only the heterosexual ones were spoken aloud. I didn’t have crushes on people I knew, mostly because they weren’t very nice. I chose the world of fantasy—characters in film and T.V. Audrey Hepburn in Charade and Han Solo in the Star Wars films were my big-time crushes.
Still, it took me thirty years to come out. A big part of that was those other kids. I was bullied every day from third grade through seventh, for so many reasons. I was overweight, I was shy and anxious. I was also sick with more than one chronic illness. All the other kids knew was that I was Different. It didn’t matter that I had a loyal best friend, or a family that would accept me no matter what. That label from the bullies branded me at a young age and I never forgot. When I realized that I was bi, I thought: “I’m fat, I’m sick, and I have panic attacks. I can’t be something else on top of that.”
A few teachers even participated in the bullying at the Catholic school I attended in the progressive Bay Area. One teacher sat my friend down and told her I was dragging her down socially—that my otherness was a weight on her and that she should get out while she could. When I reported to this teacher that I’d been bullied for my weight, she suggested I lose weight. The adults at my school knew what the kids did. I was Different. I should be set aside.
What those years taught me was that this behavior was acceptable. It taught me that this is the way the world works. In my four years being bullied, I never once saw a child get in trouble for their behavior. Meanwhile, I was scared to come to school. I learned to hide, and I learned fast. As a result, only one person knew that I was bisexual until I officially came out to my husband at the age of forty.
It happened in a feverish moment, and he was wonderful about it. We had a four year-old child who was dealing with mean kids at preschool. When I heard, it all came rushing back. The fear, the shame. For years, I’d been hinting to my friends and family that I wasn’t exactly heterosexual on the spectrum. But I’d never been clear. When people asked, I would reference my husband and say, “well, it hardly matters now!” But, thing is, it did matter. When all of those years of bullying came back, I had a thought: if I was hiding who I was, what would that say to my daughter? Wouldn’t that start the cycle yet again? If I hid my identity, wouldn’t that teach her to feel shame?
Coming out was slow. Mostly, I acted as though it was already a known fact. I didn’t want it to be a big deal, but I also didn’t want to lie. As I revealed this part of myself. I couldn’t stop thinking about the bullies that had held me hostage for long after I was forced to change schools. Were they ever held accountable? Were the teachers? How many others were there, like me, who were forever changed by systemic bullying?
Then, I came up with a story idea: a seventh grader who writes criminal profiles on the bullies at her school to solve a mystery. She was apple-shaped. She was sick (asthma and IBS). She was anxious. She was into true crime. She liked boys and girls. But she also stood up against the bullies and fought against toxic culture at her school. She had confidence, despite so many kids telling her otherwise, to say: this is who I am.
In writing the character of Drew Leclair, I realized that I could rewrite history. I could tell my own story, with the right ending. With my main character guiding me, I came out publicly the year after my book sold. I knew even in the year 2021 that coming out was a privilege. I’d seen too many authors forced out of the closet before they were ready. But I was ready, and my main character was there for me. So, after so many years in hiding, I found the strength I needed from the two people I took part in creating—my wacky, wonderful, unique child…and the character of my heart.
As for Drew, she slayed the monsters that I never could. Although, you know what they say about writers. “Don’t piss off a writer. They’ll put you in their book, and then they will kill you.” Well. I didn’t kill anyone. But it’s possible that, after all these years, I finally found a way to fight back.
About Katryn Bury
Katryn Bury wrote her first mystery at the age of six, and has been writing ever since. She is proudly rooted in Oakland, CA, with her husband, daughter, and a vast collection of Nancy Drew mysteries. By day, she is a library technician who is lucky enough to work with her target audience. By night, she writes the books she always wanted to read growing up.
